IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
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In recent years, the question of whether or not to invest
government
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money
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 to help creative artists has become a subject of considerable debate and analysis. In my opinion, these workers need to find a way to support themselves.
This
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 essay aims to examine both points of view to provide, in my belief, the best approach. On the one hand, it is important for the
government
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 to focus on supporting artists. The
government
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 should invest more
money
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 in advertising and organizing events
such
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 as concerts and painting exhibitions. If more
money
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 is invested in
this
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 kind of art, musicians and painters would benefit economically,
moreover
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, people would have more entertainment, and quality of life would improve.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that a person who chooses to be a musician or a painter, before becoming famous, has to be aware that may have to find a secondary job to maintain himself.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 should not give financial support to creative artists and use these funds for other important needs of
society
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such
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 as education. If more
money
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 is invested in education,
society
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 would benefit in regard to future development.
As a
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result
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result,
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society
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 would grow economically and more
money
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 would be spent on pleasures like concerts and paints. So how famous idiom says; that life is like a boomerang, sooner or later everything comes back. By way of conclusion, I believe there is no contest in regard to which sector our
society
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 truly needs support.
Submitted by 61verme on

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relevant specific examples
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logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas are linked cohesively throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a good structure for the essay.
complete response
You've presented both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the essay task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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