Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree?
For the opinion of the public, the parents should constrain the time range of watching TV and gaming and encourage reading habits. Spending a lot of time on screens has bad effects on the physical development of
children
and reading contributes to their improvement. Use synonyms
This
essay agrees with Linking Words
this
idea and will discuss the positive and negative aspects of it.
Linking Words
Firstly
, Linking Words
Children
’s bodies and brains are weak Use synonyms
due to
not completing development and they can damage every little thing. Linking Words
On the other hand
, technology has a huge impact on them. Playing games on Linking Words
computer
causes a lack of concentration, low self-confidence and being Add an article
a computer
the computer
extrovert
and these factors can influence their education life and activity of life. WatchingCorrect article usage
an extrovert
televisionfor
Correct your spelling
television for
television
along
period can be the result of serious diseases Correct your spelling
a long
likewise
cancer, Linking Words
cataract
and mental illness. Fix the agreement mistake
cataracts
A research
conducted by Madrid University demonstrated people who watch Correct article usage
Research
morethan
3hours of TV suffer neck and head pains by 37% more than others. For them, TV and online games must be limited by parents.
Correct your spelling
more than
Secondly
, reading has many benefits for Linking Words
children
. It provides good thinking and strong dreaming skills. Books facilitate the learning process and boost their improvement. Thanks to reading, adolescents can complete their own physical development early. Use synonyms
Additionally
, books give an imagination power. Linking Words
Also
, regularly reading can Linking Words
grow
brain functions and go up analyzing. An investigation by Milan University defined gradual reading Verb problem
improve
can
decline Change preposition
as can
stress
Change preposition
in stress
level
in people by 24%. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
As a result
, Linking Words
this
habit has unique and significant profits for adolescents.
In conclusion, limitations by Linking Words
parents
for television and play must be enforced and Change noun form
parents'
parent's
inform
Wrong verb form
informed
children
about books so that Use synonyms
children
can not face any pain and harm.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words or phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next. This will help to establish clearer connections between your arguments and the examples that support them.
task achievement
While your essay has relevant examples, you might benefit from including more varied examples to further illustrate your points. Ideally, balance objective data with personal insights or hypothetical scenarios.
task achievement
Ensure all main ideas are fully fleshed out and avoid assumptions. For example, explain how reading can lead to early physical development, as this claim might require more evidence or clarification.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, offering a structured start and end to your argument, encapsulating the topic effectively.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a clear stance on the topic, addressing the need to limit screen time and encourage reading. This demonstrates your ability to respond directly to the task with a complete answer.
task achievement
You provide specific data from studies, which adds credibility to your argument. Including statistics can effectively support your point and show research capability.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example