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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

#countries #children #rules #behavior
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It is often argued whether kids should be raised strictly or if it is better to give them freedom. There are countries where young individuals have a lot of prohibitions
whereas
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 in other ones they are rarely punished for something bad like bad deeds.
Although
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 youngsters usually tend to break the rules, they have to know the boundaries that should not be crossed. On the one hand,
children
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 have to learn how to be a cultured and civilised person. These unwritten laws should be followed strictly and taught
this
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 way.
For instance
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, youngsters must be told that they need to treat people who are older than them respectfully.
Moreover
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, their parents always need to show rigorously that it is unacceptable to not follow
this
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 habit.
On the other hand
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, youngsters can have more freedom in their actions than oldsters because they do not have much life experience. Adults should take
this
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 into consideration.
For example
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,
children
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 can be mistaken about unobvious rules of etiquette since these aren't often taught.
Thus
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, adults should not punish their
children
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 harshly as they can break the rules because of a lack of knowledge. In my opinion, being a well-behaved person is crucial for everyone.
Consequently
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, it is important for parents to not allow their kids to neglect unbreakable traditions which ought to be followed by everyone.
To sum up
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, even though
children
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 can make mistakes in social interactions, important traditions should be known and rigorously followed. Of course, teenagers have to be punished for bad or rude behaviour or actions.
Submitted by georgyzhelezov on

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task achievement
To improve your score, aim to incorporate more specific examples to back up your main points. This will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a seamless flow of ideas across your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and the writer’s stance, while the conclusion neatly sums up the main points and restates the thesis.
task achievement
The writer addresses different perspectives on children's upbringing, showing a balanced view and a comprehensive response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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