It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, in some countries,
savings
are crucial for Use synonyms
people
of all ages, especially for youngsters in the Use synonyms
long
livelihood. I totally agree with Correct word choice
long-term
this
one because it could be a financial Linking Words
buffers
for any unexpected situations or a good investment for Correct the article-noun agreement
buffer
brighter
Correct article usage
a brighter
future
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, the ability to save money can help in difficult circumstances Linking Words
due to
the economic and political situation nowadays. Linking Words
As a result
, Linking Words
people
could have more opportunities for freedom, Use synonyms
such
as moving abroad for a good life or getting a new job in their native city. Linking Words
For instance
, Linking Words
in
Change preposition
during
pandemic
time Correct article usage
the pandemic
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
savings
Use synonyms
experiencing
less stress and anxiety, because they Wrong verb form
experienced
have
Wrong verb form
had
ability
to change their lifestyle smoothly.
Change the article
the ability
Secondly
, the Linking Words
savings
can provide a good start for Use synonyms
future
life projects, Use synonyms
such
as a new home or family building. The reason for Linking Words
this
could be Linking Words
in
the potential desire to live better. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, with Linking Words
savings
Use synonyms
people
’s dreams may come true easily. Use synonyms
For example
, the average middle-aged person in North America has a Linking Words
saving
banking account for Replace the word
savings
future
purchases, Use synonyms
such
as a new car, travelling or Linking Words
new
house.
In conclusion, it is believed that the ability to save money can help Correct article usage
a new
people
in their Use synonyms
future
and in my point of view, Use synonyms
this
tendency could be beneficial for bad or good times providing support for maintaining the same level Linking Words
life
or starting a new project.Change preposition
of life
Submitted by uran.n0815 on
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Task Achievement
Clarify your introduction by clearly stating your stance. Instead of saying 'I totally agree with this one,' specify 'I totally agree with the importance of saving money for young people.'
Task Achievement
Ensure all examples are explicitly linked to your main points. Some examples, although relevant, could be more directly connected to the point you are making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on smoothing over some transitional sentences to improve clarity and flow between supporting points.
Task Achievement
Consider slightly more elaborate explanations for the implications of financial buffers and investments to enhance clarity and depth.
Task Achievement
The essay makes a clear argument and covers multiple perspectives on the importance of savings for young people.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good, clear structure with a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strong use of relevant examples, such as the impact of savings during the pandemic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion successfully wraps up the argument, reinforcing the main points of the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.