IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products products should be made more exspensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #exspensive #people
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Nowadays, many manufactured food and drink
products
Use synonyms
 contain high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which causes many health problems. Some
people
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 think that sugary
products
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products
Use synonyms
 should be made more
exspensive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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. In my opinion, I disagree because
this
Linking Words
 solution is
effectively
Change the word
effective
show examples
 in
short
Correct article usage
the short
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 term period. There are more feasible solutions to the problem.
Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
 countries
such
Linking Words
 as China and Thailand,
sugar
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 prices increased sharply in 2023. Therefrom,
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
makes
Verb problem
has
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 3 disadvantages for
people
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the rising cost of living will
arrived
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arrive
show examples
. It makes sugary
products
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 have a higher price,
puts
Correct word choice
and puts
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 financial
big
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apply
show examples
pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each
households
Change to a singular noun
household
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
 candies have to spend more money on ingredients. The cost of
products
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 may go up or
decreases
Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
show examples
 quality. These problems can create a significant impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 consumers and
labor
Correct article usage
the labor
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 market.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, when the cost of
sugar
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rise
Fix the agreement mistake
rises
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, some
people
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 can
minify
Verb problem
minimise
show examples
 consumption in other categories in order to spend money
of
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on
show examples
products
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 related to
sugar
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
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 can
choose
Add the particle
choose to
show examples
 use less
sugar
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 in their
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 or snacks. But
this
Linking Words
 problem brings
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many negative effects for health mental health and
too
Add a missing verb
is too
show examples
 hard for kinds of
people
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have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 gotten used to eating sugary
products
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. Nutritional imbalance brings
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of negative impacts for everyone. Within
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues, essential solutions
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 necessary. Media
professtionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 play an important role in
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and educate
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educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
people
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 raise awareness about the importance of
sugar
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 in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In the eyes of others, sugary
products
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 are the "fast energy".
For example
Linking Words
, when we
tired
Add a missing verb
are tired
show examples
,
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bubble tea or
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 candy can make us "resurgence" quickly.
Besides
Linking Words
, serotonin in
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 helps
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 improve mood,
brings
Correct word choice
and brings
show examples
happiniess
Correct your spelling
happiness
. The opinion
"sugary
Correct word choice
that "sugary
show examples
products
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 should be made more
exspensive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
" is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective solution.
Instead
Linking Words
 of that, each person
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to raise awareness and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not use
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much.
Submitted by linh006569 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay more clearly into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This will help improve the overall logical structure and clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and ensure that each sentence serves a distinct purpose in advancing your argument.
Task Achievement
Although you have discussed some potential negative effects of increasing sugar prices, try to provide more detailed and balanced arguments for both sides of the issue to fully address the task.
Task Achievement
In your response, make sure to include specific examples to illustrate your points. Specific, relevant details can strengthen your argument.
Content
The essay identifies and discusses the potential economic impacts of increasing sugar prices, such as financial pressure on households and businesses.
Task Achievement
The conclusion presents a clear position and suggests an alternative solution to the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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