Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that all people have to be educated
utill
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until
they turn the age of 18. I personally completely agree with
this
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assertion since they can learn more important things than studying and have more opportunities to get a job. To
beigin
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begin
with, there are two major reasons why individuals should go to school until 18
year's
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years
show examples
old.
Firstly
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, they would learn the important things because they have to act as
group
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a group
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. To explain, all
student
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students
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have trouble with their
firends
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friends
when they make new friends, they can
aquire
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acquire
how to resolve problems when they have problems.
Therefore
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they would recognise morality and 배려심, which play
a
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an
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important role in which we live in our lives. On top of that, they can learn
acamedic
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academic
majors
that
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is
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are
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necessary to attend college because all universities require these majors
such
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as English,
mathematic
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mathematics
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, history and
sciencce
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science
.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, if they go to a college, it is easy to study academic subjects, it is easy not only to study academic subjects but
also
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know
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to know
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various
application
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applications
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that apply to colleges.
For
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this
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reason, they can go to
the
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apply
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university and can study specialised subjects that they want to learn.
Moreover
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, they would have better opportunities to get a job because
hight
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high
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school graduation is essential because almost all businesses require it. In conclusion, staying in school
in
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until
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people's
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age
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18 ages causes them to comfortably live their lives and have good opportunities to get a job.
Therefore
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, all students should stay
in
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at
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thier
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the
age of 18.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by organizing ideas more clearly. Consider using transitions between different points to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more vividly.
Task Achievement
Clarify some vague ideas to ensure your response is comprehensive and easy to understand for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly articulate the writer's stance.
Task Achievement
The argument for staying in school is supported with several points about life skills and job opportunities, which adds depth to the essay.
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