Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments sshould focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today’s globalized world, numerous resources of pollution affect the individual’s health
whereas
the citizens are seeking the authority to implant alternatives which are less harmful.
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Overall
, there are a massive number of diseases and illnesses that can happen Linking Words
as a result
of contamination of the surrounding environment, Linking Words
furthermore
, there are a significant number of solutions that the government can help their community.
In terms of the negative impact of pollution, the majority of lung diseases as shortness of breath and coughing can produced Linking Words
as a result
of neither car exhaust nor electric vacuum, meanwhile, air-containing germs are able to transfer to humans and cause a lot of issues and can worse the asthmatic patients. Eyes Linking Words
also
are affected which can lead to a disease called conjunctivitis Linking Words
as a consequence
of flying dust.
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On the other hand
, nowadays with the rapid acceleration of innovation in technologies are established to assist human beings' lives, Linking Words
moreover
, a great number of solutions found which can classified as internal and external methods Linking Words
while
external ways as encouraging the use of eco-friendly cars without using a fuel aiming to reduce the outputs, Linking Words
whereas
the external method as the government should provide air filters.
My belief is that the state must take quick action regarding Linking Words
this
trouble and prevent certain types of illness.
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To conclude
, there is no doubt that human health is the most precious thing that an individual has , a kind of production is the aim of citizens themselves and the government.Linking Words
Submitted by shmoukhalghumaiz on
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task achievement
While the essay covers the main ideas related to the topic, providing more specific examples would enhance your argument. For instance, mentioning specific policies or initiatives from governments that have successfully reduced pollution could strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a more seamless flow between your ideas. Some sentences feel disjointed, which can disrupt the coherence of your essay. Linking sentences and paragraphs with transition words can help maintain a logical flow.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas and provide more comprehensive explanations. It would be beneficial to explain how exactly certain solutions could address housing problems related to health, as you focus largely on pollution.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay and the main points being discussed.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the relationship between pollution and health, and suggested that governments have a role to play in addressing these issues.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.