IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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Some individuals in our society believe that the major environmental issue in
this
Linking Words
 century is the extinction of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain plants and animals.
However
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 other
people
Use synonyms
 support the view that there are much more crucial
problems
Use synonyms
 that our world
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
 currently.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, since the geographical discoveries
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 in our universe we
lose
Wrong verb form
have lost
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 some particular species
due to
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 enormous amounts of hunting.
Besides
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 that, because of global
warming
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warming,
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 many living species actively deal with difficult situations in the area they live.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
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 particular
problems
Use synonyms
 create a huge amount of risk for many of them and our natural habitat get damaged.Many species like insects and some kinds of mammals provide food for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals and because of the
problems
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 that I mentioned,
production
Correct article usage
the production
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in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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animal and plant products
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
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 in a related way.
On the other hand
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,
problems
Use synonyms
 like wars and some
kind
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kinds
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 of critical diseases are some of the significant
problems
Use synonyms
 that we can clearly see in various countries.
Therefore
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, the
economical
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economic
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 progress and the life quality of the countries get destroyed.Many
people
Use synonyms
 lose their lives because of the negative outcomes these
problems
Use synonyms
 cause.Thousands of
people
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 deal with viral diseases that spread easily and
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 in some
communities
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communities,
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 many
humans life
Fix the agreement mistake
human lives
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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under
Change preposition
in
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 danger.Serious issues between nations and the rise of hungriness trigger the facilities inside that area and many sectors get damaged. İn conclusion, if we agree that human life is the most precious thing in our universe, in my personal opinion
people
Use synonyms
 suffer
with
Change preposition
from
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 bigger
problems
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in particular
Linking Words
 regions and even though the loss of animals and plants
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 horrible consequences in our world, the huge amount of death among humans is a bigger trouble in my own view.
Submitted by muratberkel on

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task achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate the points effectively. This can add depth and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay logically with clear paragraphing to maintain flow and make it easier to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents both views on the topic, which demonstrates a good understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
An effective introduction and conclusion are present, which nicely frame the discussion and highlight your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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