IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter • give details of your study plans • explain why you want to get a part-time job • suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #plans
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Hello Nathalia! How's
Sydney
Use synonyms
? I want to tell you something that will
thrilled
Verb problem
fill
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 you up, I will go there too! So exciting, right? I will study
in
Change preposition
at
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Sydney
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 University. I will go there in August 2025. I want to study design
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 University. It will take about 2 years until graduate, and I will stay in my aunty's home until I
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 my own place in
Sydney
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.
Becasue
Correct your spelling
Because
 of that, I plan to have a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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job
Use synonyms
 there in
Sydney
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. I have to save My money and I
really
Add a missing verb
am really
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 excited to try new things
become
Correct word choice
and become
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 a part-timer. I heard you work as a barista there right? Can I ask you about
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 things? How to get a
job
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
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? Is it hard for me to get the opportunity? Because I heard from the other that it's kinda hard to get a part-time
job
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 there. Many people apply for a
job
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
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, do they? Would you like to help me to find a
job
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 by suggesting me or
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 me some tips about working in
Sydney
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? What do you think I must prepare for the part-time
job
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.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Do I need to write a resume
same
Correct article usage
the same
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like
Change preposition
as
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 in Indonesia? What
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 do you think I need to improve for the part-time
job
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 there? What kind of
job
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 do they need the most in Australia? How
is
Verb problem
does
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working
Correct article usage
the working
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 hour system do they have? Hope you can help me, Nathalia. Thank you before. See you soon in
Sydney
Use synonyms
, hope everything goes well with me and of course you.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure the letter into clear paragraphs for each point: study plans, reasons for seeking a part-time job, and how your friend could help. This will help improve the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity and coherence. This helps the reader follow your thoughts more easily.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific details about what type of part-time job you are interested in and why, to enhance your task response.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing in the letter are friendly and convey your excitement well, which enhances the tone.
task achievement
The writing tone is suitable for a letter to a friend, maintaining a casual and conversational style.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Educational aspirations
  • Work experience
  • Financial independence
  • Resume (or CV)
  • Local job market
  • International student
  • Legal requirements
  • Student work permit
  • Employment trends
  • Time management
  • Networking
  • A part-time position
  • Balance studies and work
  • Job hunting strategies
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