IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some believe that self-employment is better, others prefer working in companies do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that the main impact of self-employment is debatable,
while
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 there is a commonly held belief that having your own business where you become the one in charge of everything is beneficial. There is
also
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 an argument opposite it. In my opinion, I think building your work by yourself and having
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job where you become the boss of yourself has many advantages which outweigh the drawbacks. To start with, self-employment provides the person with much more freedom and space for creativity.
For instance
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, people put great
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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in
Change preposition
into
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 their own businesses as these businesses are considered their dream jobs.
Furthermore
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, they will not be restricted by the rules and regulations of
companies
Use synonyms
 as that gives them the
willing
Replace the word
willingness
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 to improve their work even with out-of-the-box ideas.
On the other hand
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 provide places for individuals with no experiments to learn from their mentors and other workers.
Moreover
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, when a company fails, employees can find jobs in other
companies
Use synonyms
,
while
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 if the business of your own
failed
Wrong verb form
fails
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, you will be affected financially and may struggle to start all over again. In conclusion, despite people having various views, I believe that having a business of your own will really
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
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 you and
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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 your self-confidence as it
also
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 may push you more to broaden your ideas
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph concentrates on one main idea, followed by supporting details to strengthen coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate about self-employment versus working in companies, and your conclusion clearly states your position on the matter.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with clear reasons for your preference, which supports good coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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