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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Dicuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #work #dicuss
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The debate
paid
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about paid
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 or unpaid
work
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 for
children
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 has garnered varied opinions. Some individuals assert that it is conducive for
children
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 to do paid
work
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.
Conversely
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, others maintain that paid
work
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 may have detrimental effects on
children
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's growth. From my perspective, I favour the former opinion and believe
children
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 can benefit more from paid
work
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. There is no denying that engaging in paid
work
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 can potentially lead some
children
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 to develop an addiction to earning
money
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 in order to buy the things they desire. Specifically, they may be immature to think that making
money
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 is far more important than studying because they can get immediate rewards
throgh
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through
work
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.
Consequently
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, they might invest
most
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the most
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 time in
part-time
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the part-time
show examples
job
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jobs
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instead
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 of
self-improvment
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self-improvement
.
Nevertheless
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, these negative effects can be addressed by limiting
work
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hour
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hours
show examples
 for
children
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 and regulating Youth
Work
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 Protection Law, which can not only take up their study and exercise time
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 protect their rights and interests. First of all, having a paid job enables
children
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 to understand the challenges of earning
money
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 and helps them establish the correct value of
money
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, which is beneficial for their
life time
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lifetime
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.
For example
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, if
chidren
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children
 need to
work
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3hours
Correct your spelling
3 hours
 a week to earn 50 dollars, they will not demand their parents to buy expensive toys for them as
their
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they
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 know how much effort should be put to afford that. Meanwhile,
children
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 having
a
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apply
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paid
work
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 can relieve some families'
budern
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burden
 that are struggling with financial issues.
Numberous
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Numerous
 families are living
under
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in
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 poverty and only rely on one or two adults'
income
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incomes
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 to make a living, but if
children
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 can cover their own living
cost
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costs
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,
the
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apply
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life would be better.
Finally
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,
children
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 can get a sense of accomplishment if they get
salary
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a salary
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 after
hardworking
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hard work
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, which can develop their spirit of endurance and encourage them to pursue
long term
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long-term
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goal
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goals
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. In conclusion, based on
above
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the above
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 discussion, the advantages of paid
work
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 dwarf the disadvantages of that. It
open
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opens
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 the door for
children
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 to have a better understanding of
money
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.
Submitted by zhangkejiakrizza on

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clarity
Clarify some of the ideas presented, such as the regulation of working hours and legal protection, to make them more explicit and straightforward.
support
Use more specific examples to support your points, as this will strengthen the essay's argument and make it more compelling.
content
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, ensuring that multiple perspectives are considered.
structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the writer's opinion and leaving a strong final impression.
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