IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
#hours #work #week #people #categories #activities #childcare #home #housework
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the mean
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 of unpaid
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as looking after the
children
Use synonyms
 at home,house chores,and gardening done by married
women
Use synonyms
 and married
men
Use synonyms
,without
children
Use synonyms
,with 1-2
children
Use synonyms
,and with 3
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 more
children
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, married
women
Use synonyms
 spend more
hours
Use synonyms
 on average than
men
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they experience an increase in the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 by having more
children
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 married
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 average time per
week
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged with a slight decline with 3+
children
Use synonyms
. Married
women
Use synonyms
 will typically spend 30
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 on unpaid work if
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 still with no kids.
However
Linking Words
, the time spent per
week
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically reaching around 50
hours
Use synonyms
 when the family
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 getting bigger, with 1-2
children
Use synonyms
.As the family is expanding with more
children
Use synonyms
, the mean amount of time spent by a married
Use synonyms
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 reaches 60
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,married
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 average
hours
Use synonyms
 spent per
week
Use synonyms
 on unpaid work is slightly under 20 for the three categories
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and remains
unchancged
Correct your spelling
unchanged
 even
while
Linking Words
 the family is expanding in size.It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that when
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 family is with 3
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 more
children
Use synonyms
, married
men
Use synonyms
 tend to spend
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 than being without or with 1-
2
Change preposition
to 2
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by muneeraalnoaimi07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, week, children, women, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: