Some people think that arts (for example, music or painting) don't directly improve people's wellbeing, and therefore the goverment should spend money on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some societies believe that government investing in art
such
as music and painting Linking Words
are
not have a significant effect on developing Verb problem
does
people
's quality of life, so they should allocate funds to Use synonyms
another aspects
. Enhancing Replace the adjective
another aspect
other aspects
people
's welfare Use synonyms
are
truly complex because many factors are interconnected with each other, but Correct subject-verb agreement
is
i
believe that whether it's used for improving arts or other areas still counts as an effort. Change the capitalization
I
This
essay will discuss both ideas using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points.
Linking Words
Firstly
, the most effective way to improve Linking Words
individual's
well-being Change noun form
individual
are
by adding more public facilities that can support Change the verb form
is
people
's health Use synonyms
such
as city parks with physical Linking Words
excercise
machines. To illustrate, Correct your spelling
exercise
government
can make a running track in the middle of city parks, so their citizen can do sports like jogging. Add an article
the government
Secondly
, improving education for the young generation. Knowledge is a crucial factor to improve the cognitive function of human life, which can lead them to get a better Linking Words
living
. In my opinion, governments can spend more money Replace the word
life
in
these two aspects.
Change preposition
on
However
, arts Linking Words
also
play a great Linking Words
roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
role
to
upgrading Change preposition
in
people
's well-being through human psychological systems. Use synonyms
For example
, we are usually more comfortable if we work in a room with pretty decoration using art like paintings or statues. Linking Words
While
having Linking Words
this
kind of item, working with playing a relaxing music background can help us to be more relaxed. In my view, Linking Words
this
will Linking Words
leads
to Change the verb form
lead
improve
productivity for workers and would motivate them to enjoy their job. It is certain that art can improve Wrong verb form
improved
quality
of life through Correct article usage
the quality
person's
mind.
Correct article usage
a person's
To sum up
, Linking Words
i
do agree with both statements because even if Change the capitalization
I
Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
invest
in arts, Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
educations
, or public infrastructure, it would bring benefits for every person happiness, comfort, and health. My suggestion is government should consider how much money they will use to elevate each aspect.Fix the agreement mistake
education
Submitted by Ulyssa on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by using a consistent level of formality throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammatical accuracy to enhance the overall quality of writing.
task achievement
Provide a more explicit restatement of your opinion in the conclusion to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Main points are well organized, and relevant examples are provided to support the arguments.
task achievement
The response considers multiple viewpoints, providing a balanced argument.