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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food, and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #junk #food #health #education #work
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The effects of
people
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’s
education
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 levels on eating habits have sparked widespread debate. On the one hand, some believe that the increasing number of educated
people
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 positively contributes by enlightening
people
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 about healthy nutrition.
On the other hand
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, critics contend that it is ineffectual in solving the problems caused by unhealthy snacks.
This
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 essay will delve into both perspectives and provide
analysis
Correct article usage
an analysis
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 that will lead to my own viewpoint. From one perspective,
education
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 is not able to affect the changing nutritional habits. Because they form at different stages of human life beginning
childhood
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with childhood
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.
For example
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, fast foods are considered the best alternatives by teachers, bankers and others who have excellent
education
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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.
Moreover
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, based on the investigation carried out in 2020 by the Statistical Committee of
United
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the United
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 States of America, 70% of
these
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the
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 population of
country
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the country
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 is educated or have a college diploma at least. On the flip side,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of educational background plays a significant role in becoming aware of
balanced
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a balanced
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 diet. Because the
people
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 who graduated have a research ability about balancing calories. It means that diets can be adjusted by them by reducing junk foods which are threats to human health. In the same query of The Statistical Committee, 90% of
people
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 who prefer junk food on the daily menu are not aware of the dangers of
this
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 type of nutrition. In conclusion,
however
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, the lack of
education
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 hinders keeping the balance on nourishment, but awareness of
importance
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the importance
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 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 diet is more common among educated adults.
Although
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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the arguments exist on both sides of
this
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 debate, I am inclined to believe that the increasing level of
education
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 has more benefit as it offers more substantial advantages in addressing the issue effectively.
Submitted by mammedlichingiz on

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Task Response
Try to make your main points clearer in each paragraph to improve task response.
Coherence
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next to enhance coherence.
Task Response
Include more relevant examples to support your points better.
Task Response
Good introduction that sets up the discussion of both sides of the argument.
Task Response
Clear conclusion that states your opinion and summarizes your argument.
Coherence
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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