IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many working people get little or no erercise during the workdat, have health problems as result . why do so many people not get enough exercise , what can do about this problem ? Give reason.

#people #erercise #workdat #health #exercise #reason
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"Some
individuals
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 believe that the majority of
individuals
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 do little or no exercise during their
work
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 because of a lack of
time
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, and they
face
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 several
health
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 problems. The problems associated with
this
Linking Words
,
as well as
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 the solutions for the same,
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be analyzed in the following paragraphs. "The most important aspect to consider is that the number of
individuals
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 busy in their
work
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 because they live in a fast-paced environment. Most of their
time
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 is spent at
work
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 or in their office as they complete a task.
For
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this
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 reason, they do not have enough
time
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 for their physical activities, and it has adverse impacts on their
health
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. The majority of people
face
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health
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 conditions,
such
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 as diabetes, hypertension, and obesity."
Moreover
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, some people adopt an unhealthy lifestyle during their
work
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, and they eat convenient food since it is easily available in the supermarket.
As a result
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, they
face
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health
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 conditions. Some
individuals
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 do not earn enough, so they cannot purchase personal equipment or join any sports clubs because of a lack of money.
As a result
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, they
face
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health
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 conditions
such
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 as financial difficulties and insufficient
time
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 for exercise." There are some possible solutions. The national governments have to promote healthy lifestyles on television, newspapers, and other resources. They need to open many sports clubs for all age groups and reduce
work
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 hours for all employees. Eventually,
this
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 would reduce
work
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-related stress and improve
health
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 and productivity levels. People would have enough
time
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 for sports activities and stay far away from diseases. In conclusion, it can be seen that the majority of
individuals
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 spend most of their
time
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 at
work
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.
For
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this
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 reason, there is a lack of
time
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 for exercise. The government needs to open various
health
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 and promote them on television,
newspapers
Change preposition
in newspapers
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, and
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
 online platforms.
Submitted by harshdeepmakhan26 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Linking phrases can improve the cohesion further.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, providing a logical framework for your argument.
task achievement
Addresses the task adequately with a clear response to the issue raised, offering solutions and identifying problems.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally clear and well supported, allowing the reader to follow your argument easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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