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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewriteja)

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewriteja)
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The given bar chart shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of time how
parents
Use synonyms
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 care of their children in the evening in 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that mothers
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 their children a lot when they
dressing
Wrong verb form
dress
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 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 homework,
while
Linking Words
 when they
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 games and
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 for bed
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time together. In detail, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of time when children
dressing
Wrong verb form
dressed
show examples
mother
Use synonyms
 accounted for 75%, it was the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of dressing part.
Then
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 accounted
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 22%, and
father
Correct article usage
the father
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 accounted
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
 3%. In the case of homework
mother
Use synonyms
 represented
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50%, and
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 represented around 40%.After that, the figure for
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 represented 10%, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
homework
Correct article usage
the homework
show examples
 section. Turning to the figure for playing games,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 comprised 70%, and
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
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 comprised 25%. The proportion of fathers comprised 5% in the play games section.
Regard with
Wrong verb form
Regarding
show examples
 preparing for bed,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 occupied 50%, and
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 occupied nearly 45%.Afterwards, fathers occupied about 5%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the preparing for bed section

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, parents, both, mother with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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