IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles , aunts and grandparents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and example.

#people #children #uncles #aunts #grandparents
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In today's world, with the increasing popularity of meritocracy and
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
 population, more emphasis is placed on childcare and education. Unsurprisingly, there is a popular opinion that all family
Use synonyms
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
 should share the responsibilities in raising upsprings. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint as it brings benefits to both children and other family
Use synonyms
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
. Extended family life is an integral part of childhood and it has a long-standing influence on children's wellbeing. Apart from the traditional roles including teachers, parents, or guardians, family
Use synonyms
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
 are the people kids
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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most
Add an article
the most
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 time with and
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 exposure from.
For instance
Linking Words
, many people shared that growing up, they admired their uncle/aunt who even once became a role model in their early adolescenthood.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are aspects like
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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inheritage
Correct your spelling
heritage
inheritance
 and manners which children do not learn from
Add an article
a textbook
the textbook
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textbook
Fix the agreement mistake
textbooks
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 but
instead
Linking Words
picking
Wrong verb form
pick
show examples
 up from their close family
Use synonyms
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
.
As a result
Linking Words
, a bonded connection between generations is beneficial for developing family
tradiations
Correct your spelling
traditions
tradition
 and for seniors to
imparse
Correct your spelling
impart
 crystallised
wistom
Correct your spelling
wisdom
 to youngsters. Being
invovled
Correct your spelling
involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the kids-raising process is significantly beneficial for the carerers' health in turn. On the physical level, spending time with kids usually involves outdoor activities like going to
playground
Add an article
the playground
a playground
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, playing sports, and embracing nature. Those activities
compensates
Change the verb form
compensate
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the
Change preposition
for the
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 adult mundane routine which is filled with screens. On the mental level, grown-ups find themselves easily healed by the innocence and creativity of kids. It reminds them to cherish simple happiness when getting addicted to materialistic
persuits
Correct your spelling
pursuits
. In conclusion, I believe that encouraging the whole family to take part in raising
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations has mutual benefits to both parties.
Submitted by daisysungx on

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Organization
Make sure that all sections of your essay (introduction, body, and conclusion) are clearly delineated and logically flow into one another.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors like 'memebers' instead of 'members' and 'invovled' instead of 'involved'. They don't affect your score significantly but can affect overall readability.
Introduction
The essay provides a clear opinion right from the introduction, stating complete agreement with the statement, which is maintained throughout the essay.
Evidence and Support
The essay effectively uses relevant examples, such as the role model example, to support the point about extended family members’ influence.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and restates the author’s opinion, reinforcing the argument presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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