One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer life and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
There has been an ongoing debate
abouth
whether Correct your spelling
about
revolutinized
Correct your spelling
revolutionized
health
Use synonyms
care
served individuals which Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
life
expectancy. Some argue that it has a positive effect, Use synonyms
becuase
it will lead to Correct your spelling
because
exchange
of Add an article
an exchange
the exchange
Use synonyms
experince
between generations in Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
differnet
aspects of Correct your spelling
different
life
, and obuviously help Use synonyms
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
genration
learn wisely from Correct your spelling
generation
generations
elderly
, Correct article usage
the elderly
while
others believe that, it Linking Words
put
more strain on Wrong verb form
puts
Use synonyms
pension
sector, Correct article usage
the pension
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
new regulatoins has been legislated, to put down some heavy pressure on these department. Use synonyms
While
I agree that the Linking Words
advantges
of Correct your spelling
advantages
live
longer are Change the word
living
outwighted
the disadvantages. I believe other factors, Correct your spelling
outweighed
such
as Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
experince
, and Correct your spelling
experience
experienced
wise
, Replace the word
wisdom
also
play a significant role Linking Words
for
my agreement.
One significant Change preposition
in
reason
why Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
centers
should keep Change the spelling
centres
optomize
, and try to help Correct your spelling
optimize
people
to live more Use synonyms
years
is that a huge Use synonyms
Use synonyms
experince
will transfer to young, impulsive, and with no or Correct your spelling
experience
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
Use synonyms
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
experienced
people
to deal with different aspects of Use synonyms
life
. Use synonyms
This
can be seen even in Linking Words
govermental
Correct your spelling
governmental
consultention
, most of the time the Correct your spelling
consultation
people
represent the Use synonyms
counsil
considered elderly, more than 60 Correct your spelling
council
counsel
years
old, which Use synonyms
represent
a journey of 6 Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
daecades
of Correct your spelling
decades
suffrer
, hunger, and Correct your spelling
sufferer
suffer
diseaster
they encountered over Correct your spelling
disaster
disease
this
period which is Linking Words
in contrast
to previous centuries where was the Linking Words
life
span of Use synonyms
people
is less than 50 Use synonyms
years
old, and the Use synonyms
reason
behind Use synonyms
that is
obsolete Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
care
system. Use synonyms
For instance
, in an Linking Words
eliction
of developed countries, one of the most important Correct your spelling
election
crateria
is Correct your spelling
criteria
homogenous
mixture between Add an article
a homogenous
expert
formal worker in Add an article
an expert
differnet
speciality and youngers who are Correct your spelling
different
enthusiste
to make a difference. Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
enthusiasts
This
clearly shows that Linking Words
Use synonyms
experince
and Correct your spelling
experience
wisdom
are becoming increasingly important in Use synonyms
the
modern countries, which Correct article usage
apply
is
supported by a thriving Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
care
system.
Another important Use synonyms
reason
why Use synonyms
life
longer is Use synonyms
a
beneficial to our Change the article
apply
soceities
Correct your spelling
societies
,
is Remove the comma
apply
that
the abundance Correct word choice
apply
Use synonyms
wisdom
the older citizens got it all over the Change preposition
of wisdom
years
, Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
is a valuable Correct pronoun usage
which
beyoned
just thinking about Correct your spelling
beyond
Use synonyms
pension
budget crisis which Correct article usage
the pension
on the other hand
is solvable with new regulations, Linking Words
For example
when we have a lot of wise old Linking Words
oepole
that will provide us with wise Correct your spelling
people
communites
, looking outbox, and will be more merciful. Correct your spelling
communities
community
This
Linking Words
demonstrate
that Change the verb form
demonstrates
health
Use synonyms
care
and Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
live more
Wrong verb form
living
contributes
significantly toCorrect subject-verb agreement
contribute
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
overall
Linking Words
wisdom
in communities, not just as burden the Use synonyms
pension
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
some Linking Words
people
argue that Use synonyms
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
care
system is the primary Use synonyms
reason
for Use synonyms
Use synonyms
pension
crisis by helping Correct article usage
the pension
people
to live longer, I Use synonyms
firmely
believe that it offers Correct your spelling
firmly
numeours
other benefits, Correct your spelling
numerous
such
as Linking Words
wisdom
and Use synonyms
Use synonyms
experince
.Correct your spelling
experience
Submitted by m.e.a1434 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument. However, work on smoothing transitions between paragraphs to improve overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a topic sentence to help make your points clearer. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy due to improved medical care. However, the complexity of ideas can be enhanced by further exploring additional perspectives or supporting arguments.
Task Achievement
Review your language for minor grammatical errors and misspellings. This will enhance the clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have effectively included examples to support your points, such as the role of experience in governance and the wisdom conveyed by older generations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and aligns with the essay question, demonstrating a consistent position.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.