IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that people can use animals for the benefit of humans. Others believe that this practice is wrong. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Animals
Use synonyms
 are an important part of our lives. Some members of the public believe that they have the right to attack
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
Use synonyms
 ,
there
Correct word choice
but there
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 is an ongoing debate regarding whether to
use
Use synonyms
animals
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 for their needs or whether think
this
Linking Words
 practice is wrong.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both
perspictives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
while
Linking Words
 presenting my opinion which supports the idea of not using
animals
Use synonyms
 for unnecessary stuff. On the one hand, some humans have a point of view for using other creaturs to get what they want.
In some
Change preposition
Some
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 areas have extremely cold weather that they can not handle
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
for instance
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, people in cold countries wear leathers and furs from mammals to keep them warm .
Moreover
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, a few cosmetics companies
use
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 specific
animals
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 for their tests. One clear example is, they
use
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 rabbits to test their products on them to see if it is suitable for humans or not as they do not care if it is dangerous to the animal.
On the other hand
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, different people think it is definitely not essential to
use
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animals
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 because it has a lot of downsides.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
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, it will affect the environment negatively.
For example
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 , the food chain will break down as the amount of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
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.
Nevertheless
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, we have plenty of natural resources other than
animls
Correct your spelling
animals
 to get our benefit from.
In other words
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,
cottons
Change the wording
cotton
kinds of cotton
pieces of cotton
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 are the most suitable fabric to make clothes, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 make us warm and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
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 without hurting anyone.
To conclude
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, we could say that people have
differents
Correct your spelling
different
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 thoughts about
this
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 argument. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 it is totally wrong to
use
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animals
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 for useless things.

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General
Ensure all main points in the essay are supported with clear examples or specific details to reinforce your argument.
Introduction
Write a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your stance more explicitly.
General
Avoid repetitiveness; strive for clarity and succinctness in expressing your main points and the critique of those.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a fair discussion of both perspectives which ensures a balanced response fitting to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are presented which help in framing the essay neatly.
Cohesion
Good attempt to use linking words such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'For example', contributing to the coherence of the essay.
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