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Band 6.5

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the year 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the year 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
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The bar chart illustrates approximated world illiteracy rates, by six different regions and by gender in 2000. As a general overview, it is clearly seen that, in both of the genders South
Asia
Use synonyms
 experienced the highest proportion
while
Linking Words
 the Developed Countries category had the least.
In addition
Linking Words
, in all
nations
Add a comma
nations,
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 women had shown a significant proportion than men.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in terms of men, illiteracy rates were the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 in Developed Countries with almost none,
however
Linking Words
, South
Asia
Use synonyms
 was highest in men and
also
Linking Words
 women number with approximately 34.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Sub-Saharan Africa and
Arab
Correct article usage
the Arab
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 States were almost the same around 30.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Latin America and East
Asia
Use synonyms
about
Add a missing verb
are about
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one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 compared to previous ones. Moving on to women,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
South
Asia
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
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 the highest over
an a
Choose an article
a
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 half rate like as Arap states and Sub-Saharan Africa
that
Correct word choice
apply
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three regions surpassed the male ones inevitably.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Latin America and Developed Countries ( the two least) were 11 and 2 respectively
besides
Linking Words
, both genders were close to each other in terms of illiteracy.
Lastly
Linking Words
, East
Asia
Use synonyms
/Oceania was more than doubled compared to the number
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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