IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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A lot of
people
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 are migrating to the big
cities
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 to achieve their own goals.
In addition
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, the number of inhabitants in the rural area become lower than before. I believe
this
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 is not good for the environment and impacting the society itself, especially in the countryside. Moving to big
cities
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 is a great idea for some populations because they can decrease the gap between rich and poor
people
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. It can be seen from the United nation’s data that more
people
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 are trying to boost their income and decrease the poverty level of one nation,
for example
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. Working is the most favourite reason why individuals tend to work in urban areas.
Then
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, several students think that they will get a better education in major
cities
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 like New York, Washington, London, Sydney, and many more.
Finally
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, they will share the money with the family in the village to increase their quality of life.
On the other hand
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, moving from the village is creating other problems for the society and environment.
This
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 phenomenon impacts the supply chain of goods and services from the countryside to urban areas.
For instance
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, there will be no resources for taking care of the farm.
Then
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, the stock of milk or meat will be limited because of diseases which attack livestock.
Next,
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people
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 who are trying to move to the city will need a huge amount of money for their accommodation and daily life.
Additionally
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, they still require much more cost to support their migration. In the end, the government should create some policies to engage with the resources in the countryside so the villagers can get the best services. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the movement of individuals to urban areas because it will impact society and the environment.
However
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,
people
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 need to improve their lives by moving to big
cities
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, but they have to think about
this
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 migration because they need a lot of cost to manage their lives before getting a job in the city.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to illustrate your points in depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on some of your ideas to offer a more comprehensive view, possibly with additional sub-points or explanations.
task achievement
The essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of moving to cities, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively setting up and summarizing the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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