Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development. M

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Today, an increasing number of people with health concerns are turning to complementary medicines and alternative care rather than consulting professional
doctors
Use synonyms
.
This
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essay will discuss the negative aspects of
this
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development.
To begin
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with, in
this
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modern society , it is dangerous not only for human well-being
,
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apply
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but
also
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for the environment. Without the
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
or predictions of usual healthcare
provider
Fix the agreement mistake
providers
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, it causes problems of worsening of the disease.
Due
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to
Correct pronoun usage
to this
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, a local community does not know about the instructions .
Such
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as , for a different of age , weight , and
gander
Correct your spelling
gender
show examples
.
Moreover
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, some people recommend for each other the kind of medication treatment ,with not enough information and
low
Correct word choice
little
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knowledge.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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this
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reason the numerous of
population
Add an article
the population
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with illnesses
enhance
Verb problem
increases
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every day .
For example
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, in India a young teenage girl tried to lose weight,
then
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, she decided to use
speacial
Correct your spelling
special
medicine .
However
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, the treatment wasn’t for her age , because her organism
too
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was too
show examples
young for
this
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.
Afterward
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Afterwards
show examples
, her mental health worsened ,
after
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and after
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weak she died. And
i
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I
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think it is a lesson for
other
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others
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to not repeat
this
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mistake.
Furthermore
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, in some
countries
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countries,
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doctors
Use synonyms
with limited
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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destroy
humans disease
Fix the agreement mistake
human diseases
show examples
, which
mentoring
Verb problem
is not the case for
show examples
incorrect cures .
Then
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, citizens try to find facts,
dates
Correct word choice
and dates
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,
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
therapy ailments in
home based
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home-based
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care. But , in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media not always
fact
Replace the word
factual
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information ,
due to
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they didn't tested.
For example
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, in
town
Correct article usage
a town
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of
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in
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Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
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a person has started sharing recommendations on how he won his cancer.
Additionally
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, everyone got
interest
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interested
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and bought
this
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medication.
As a result
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, sicknesses caused more medical issues, and five of them perished,
four
Correct word choice
and four
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of
theme
Correct your spelling
them
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got
a
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apply
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hard brain damage.
Also
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,
i
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I
show examples
believe ,
government
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the government
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will remove incapable
doctors
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
alternative medicine
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be very dangerous if used without advice from a professional doctor. People might use the wrong treatment for their age or condition, which can make their health worse. To stay safe, it is important to trust
doctors
Use synonyms
and follow their guidance for proper remedy .
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of ideas by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
While there are specific examples provided, consider aligning them more closely with the main points in the essay to ensure they directly support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure clarity by avoiding unnecessary repetition of ideas and rephrase to avoid redundancy for a clearer response.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the question, taking a clear stance on the negative aspects of relying solely on alternative medicines without consulting professional doctors.
coherence cohesion
You have a structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and summarizing the key points discussed.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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