The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
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The line graph compares the number of the population living in cities ,for over 70 years increase how many people will live. It is obvious that the percentage of the population increased in each city during the period shown.
Overall
Linking Words
most success was Malaysia and Indonesia. Despite Malaysia in first place Indonesia, relying on statistics, rapidly grew thereby overtaking the figure proportion of citizens Thailand and the Philippines had taken second place in the line. The rate of residents in Thailand has notably slowed since 1990 and ended 30 years ago exactly in 2020 after
they
Correct your spelling
the
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gradually
Change the word
gradual
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residents growth,in the Philippines percentage of the residents was normal before 1990.
However
Linking Words
,they surprisingly start to grow in the wrong direction decade by decade.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, that didn’t stop them from growing. Malaysia started growing enormously in 1990
moreover
Linking Words
they still growing,
therefore
Linking Words
, they reached a peak in the end,
in addition
Linking Words
, Indonesia can be proud of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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population, and they
also
Linking Words
reached a peak in the end.
Although
Linking Words
Thailand
on
Change preposition
in
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the
last
Linking Words
place they
sightly
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
rose confidently,the Philippines began to increase gradually.
However
Linking Words
,the rate started to fall slightly after 3 decades exactly in 2010 they got normal and started to grow as usual.
Submitted by ansa13 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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