In recent years there has been a considerable rise in crime committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solution can you suggest?
Nowadays, no doubt that
the
crimes Correct article usage
apply
show
Verb problem
have
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
especially
among the youth. Add the comma(s)
, especially
Also
, over the years we have Linking Words
experience
an abrupt growth in the population all over the world. That explains Change the verb form
experienced
this
a little.
By having Linking Words
the
social media now Correct article usage
apply
which
has become Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
major part Correct article usage
a
in
our lives. Change preposition
of
It's
really Unnecessary verb
It
effect
our decisions and thoughts. Verb problem
affects
Although
it has a beneficial impact Linking Words
in
learning new Change preposition
on
things
, it can make your life worse, by doing Use synonyms
things
that make Use synonyms
us
regret Correct pronoun usage
you
about
it. for Change preposition
apply
an
example, if there wasn't any observation from the parents Correct article usage
apply
to
their child on what he is watching on Change preposition
of
the
social media even the series and Correct article usage
apply
the
video games, it will Correct article usage
apply
effect
the child in a negative way that may Correct your spelling
affect
makes
him Change the verb form
make
to
do a crime and try these awful Change the verb form
apply
things
in the real world.
Young people who play games that include sensitive content Use synonyms
such
as killing, Linking Words
using
guns and bombs. Can Correct word choice
and using
effect
their imagination and their way of thinking. Correct your spelling
affect
Moreover
, they may have the Linking Words
euophoria
in trying these Correct your spelling
euphoria
things
and being obsessed with Use synonyms
it
.
Correct pronoun usage
them
Also
, we should be aware Linking Words
about
the importance Change the preposition
of
or
Correct your spelling
of
eductaion
and the crucial Correct your spelling
education
rule
of the community in building a great generation that has the greatest hope, Correct your spelling
role
greatest
minds and the ability in believing of their selves in Correct article usage
the greatest
making
the community much better than before.
In my opinion, the greatest supervision by parents and education at Verb problem
themselves to make
young
age, Add an article
a young
the
greatest Add a missing verb
is the
awarness
that we can Correct your spelling
awareness
acheive
and Correct your spelling
achieve
reducing
the crimes committed by young people. Change the verb form
reduce
Therefore
, Linking Words
acheiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
community
that Correct article usage
a community
live
in peace, Change the verb form
lives
helpful
and Add a missing verb
is helpful
greatful
for each thing.Correct your spelling
grateful
Submitted by mariamabul662 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, to improve, ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main point and make sure to support it more thoroughly with relevant examples.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and raises relevant points about the influence of social media and video games, lack of parental supervision, and the role of education. However, ensure that each idea is fully developed. Expand on each solution and how it would effectively reduce crime among youth.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction, highlighting a rise in crime among youth and hinting at causes like social media and population growth.
task achievement
You've identified several potential causes of youth crime, such as the influence of social media and video games, and the importance of education and parental supervision, demonstrating your understanding of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.