IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries countries.

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The
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above between 1940 and 2040 in three different nations.
Overall
Linking Words
, in these
Use synonyms
graph
Fix the agreement mistake
graphs
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 many fluctuations can be seen in Japan and USA from 1940 to 2040,
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sweden remains sustained from 1940 to 2000.After that, it is significantly inclined from 10% to over 25%. It is quite evident from the
graph
Use synonyms
 that the ratio of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 aged 65 and over in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was below
from
Change preposition
apply
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10% in 1940 to above 15% in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, it will
be rose
Wrong verb form
rise
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up
Change preposition
by
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 around 25% in 2040.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the sum of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 in Sweden was above 5% in 1940 to under 20% in 2020.Meanwhile, in 2040 it will increase at 25%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan remains constant from 1940 to 2020 at almost under or over
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it was inclined in 2020 which was extended
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramatically
inclines
Verb problem
increase
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 from 10% to approximately 30% in 2040. In conclusion, the above
graph
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 it clear that the percentage of the older
population
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 will be higher in 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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