IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries countries.
#proportion #population #three #countries
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The
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above between 1940 and 2040 in three different nations.
Overall
Linking Words
, in these
Use synonyms
graph
Fix the agreement mistake
graphs
show examples
 many fluctuations can be seen in Japan and USA from 1940 to 2040,
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sweden remains sustained from 1940 to 2000.After that, it is significantly inclined from 10% to over 25%. It is quite evident from the
graph
Use synonyms
 that the ratio of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and over in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was below
from
Change preposition
apply
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10% in 1940 to above 15% in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, it will
be rose
Wrong verb form
rise
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up
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 25% in 2040.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the sum of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 in Sweden was above 5% in 1940 to under 20% in 2020.Meanwhile, in 2040 it will increase at 25%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan remains constant from 1940 to 2020 at almost under or over
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it was inclined in 2020 which was extended
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramatically
inclines
Verb problem
increase
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 from 10% to approximately 30% in 2040. In conclusion, the above
graph
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 it clear that the percentage of the older
population
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 will be higher in 2040.
Submitted by nidarif855 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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