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Band 6

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995.

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995.
#information #australia #institutions #percentage #students #subjects
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The bar chart provides key information about the proportion of genders who applied to different subjects in 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that engineering and
arts
Use synonyms
 are the most demanded
courses
Use synonyms
 among
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the majority of
males
Use synonyms
 are studying engineering
while
Linking Words
females
Use synonyms
 are engaging in
arts
Use synonyms
 and humanities
courses
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown from the chart, the appearance of women in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 sector overweight
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
engaging
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
 in computing
courses
Use synonyms
 more than
females
Use synonyms
. 10% of
males
Use synonyms
 are applying
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 computing
courses
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 less than 5% of women are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
this
Linking Words
 course. In
constrant
Correct your spelling
contrast
, approximately 20% of
females
Use synonyms
 are
registering
Wrong verb form
registered
show examples
 in
arts
Use synonyms
 and humanities,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 roughly 12% of
males
Use synonyms
 are studying
arts
Use synonyms
. In terms of financial studies, around 13% of
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 are studying accounting and finance,
while
Linking Words
 less than 10% are
instrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
busniess
Correct your spelling
business
 studies.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
 to
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
, women are more
instrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
busniess
Correct your spelling
business
 studies since nearly 10% of them are joining
this
Linking Words
 course,
however
Linking Words
 about 12% are studying finance and accounting.
Submitted by aishahaldawai.253 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words arts, courses, males, females with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tertiary institutions
  • enrolment
  • engineering
  • information technology
  • nursing
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • suitability
  • caregiving roles
  • job market
  • business studies
  • gender distribution
  • gender inclusion policies
  • workplace diversity
  • gender stereotypes
  • historical trends
  • percentages
  • subjects
  • gender imbalance
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