IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

#parts #world #coverage #sport #television #people #part
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The abundance of
sports
Use synonyms
 programs that are being broadcasted throughout the world
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 some effects,
particular
Change the word
particularly
show examples
 on the
youth
Use synonyms
. There are some
people
Use synonyms
 who think
this
Linking Words
 demotivates to adult
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
group to participate in
sports
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think it encourages them to play
sports
Use synonyms
 as they are getting
infulences
Correct your spelling
influenced
influences
 by their role models.I side with the latter statement ,majority of
people
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 teenagers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been motivated to play
sports
Use synonyms
 by prior watching
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. No doubt
sports
Use synonyms
 viewing has significant influences
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all age group
people
Use synonyms
 but there are some
people
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
youth
Use synonyms
 who perceive it as tiring
while
Linking Words
 watching it even though they get excited
while
Linking Words
 watching it.
For example
Linking Words
, in the United
States
Add a comma
States,
show examples
 most of
Use synonyms
youth
Add an article
the youth
show examples
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
show examples
 to
watching
Change the verb
watch
show examples
 football but there are few
adolscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 who even try to learn football . In
other
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
word
Add a comma
word,
show examples
 it is
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
asumption
Correct your spelling
assumption
of
youth
Use synonyms
 that it is going to be difficult if they are going to play
sports
Use synonyms
 so they give up even before trying it. On the other side , I personally believe broadcasting
sports
Use synonyms
 on
televsion
Correct your spelling
television
has
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role
to motivates
Change preposition
in motivating
show examples
 to
youth
Use synonyms
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
outdoor games, as
while
Linking Words
 seeing sportsmen or
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
athletes
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
 they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 thrilled which leads
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 play themself as well. The result of watching
sports
Use synonyms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talented
people
Use synonyms
 to practise more on their
skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
 so that one day they
also
Linking Words
 would be broadcasted live on
televison
Correct your spelling
television
.To
exmplify
Correct your spelling
explain
in India, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 were not aware of the sport of cricket
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 it
had been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 broadcasted on television
however
Linking Words
 after broadcasting it encouraged
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
youth
Use synonyms
 play cricket which
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
in
Last
Linking Words
 year
they won
Wrong verb form
winning
show examples
 the
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
show examples
 by defeating
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the most dominated
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 im the world of cricket. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
, without a doubt showing live
sports
Use synonyms
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 got
Correct article usage
the asumption
show examples
asumption
Correct your spelling
assumption
 that it is going to be tough if they will be going to play. Eventually
mojority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
people
Use synonyms
 get motivated as they see their role models
while
Linking Words
 playing which
inspire
Correct subject-verb agreement
inspires
show examples
 them to work hard on the
sports
Use synonyms
 they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to play.
Submitted by amarbatth367 on

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coherence and cohesion
Try to refine your argument by clearly separating and elaborating on the points supporting each side of the discussion. Consider using more distinct paragraphs for different ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more effectively. Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure the essay flows well from one point to the next.
task achievement
Good effort in addressing both sides of the argument. Providing your own opinion strengthens your response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay opens and concludes clearly, establishing a framework for your argument.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic with some relevant examples, particularly mentioning the influence of televised sports in India.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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