Some people think that the increase in the number of obese people should be the responsibility of the governments, while other think it should be the responsibility of individuals.
While
some Linking Words
people
believe that Use synonyms
governments
should be held accountable for the rise in Use synonyms
obesity
rates, others argue that Use synonyms
individuals
are to blame for Use synonyms
this
phenomenon. In Linking Words
this
essay, I will analyze Linking Words
both
arguments and will provide my opinion on the matter.
Use synonyms
Governments
primarily affect the rising Use synonyms
obesity
rate by allowing unhealthy Use synonyms
food
companies to advertise their products on television and social media platforms. These companies frequently hire renowned personalities from the sports industry or Hollywood to promote their products. Use synonyms
Consequently
, these strategies motivate consumers who admire their idols to purchase goods despite their harmful effects on well-being. Ultimately, these dietary practices may result in excess weight.
Linking Words
Although
Linking Words
governments
play a role, it is Use synonyms
also
the responsibility of Linking Words
individuals
to maintain their health and avoid becoming obese. Many Use synonyms
individuals
prefer dining out because preparing Use synonyms
food
at home can be time-consuming. The entire cooking process, including meal planning, grocery shopping, chopping ingredients, cooking, setting the table, eating, and cleaning up, can take at least two hours. Use synonyms
This
is true even for a simple meal. Linking Words
As a result
, some Linking Words
people
would prefer eating outside rather than preparing home-cooked meals. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, restaurants serve larger portions of calorie-dense Linking Words
food
, which can contribute to Use synonyms
obesity
.
In my opinion, Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
individuals
and Use synonyms
governments
are to be blamed for the rise in overweight Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
Instead
of allowing unhealthy Linking Words
food
chains to advertise on digital platforms, Use synonyms
governments
should promote awareness of the side effects of consuming Use synonyms
such
foods. With Linking Words
this
method, more Linking Words
people
could learn about the consequences that come with consuming junk Use synonyms
food
in large quantities, resulting in a deterrent effect against consuming those foods. Use synonyms
Similarly
, Linking Words
individuals
should try to prepare meals at home whenever possible and consume nutritional options like salads even when they resort to eating outside. Use synonyms
This
approach would yield Linking Words
both
physical and financial benefits by reducing the money spent on fast Use synonyms
food
.
In summary, for the rise in the Use synonyms
obesity
population, Use synonyms
governments
are responsible for permitting the Use synonyms
promotions
of unhealthy foods, Fix the agreement mistake
promotion
whereas
Linking Words
individuals
are at fault for choosing an easy way out by eating outside Use synonyms
instead
of cooking at home. Linking Words
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
governments
and Use synonyms
individuals
can take some positive steps to overcome Use synonyms
this
predicament.Linking Words
Submitted by turanavdeep on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence
Your essay presents a well-structured argument with clear paragraphs that enhance readability. For even better coherence, try to ensure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next by using linking phrases or transitional sentences.
task achievement
Your task response is strong, as you address both sides of the argument and provide a balanced opinion. To achieve an even higher level, consider including more nuanced perspectives or additional examples.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, slightly varying your vocabulary or sentence structures can make your essay more engaging.
coherence
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the argument, aligning well with the conclusion for a coherent and cohesive essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples that support your main points well, adding depth to your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?