IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays without
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
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 noticing clearly,
music
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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for
Change preposition
in
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 alleviating
stress
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the downbreaks of
music
Use synonyms
 should
also
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 be considered. I partly agree with these statements. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the usage of
music
Use synonyms
 in beneficial ways and the disagreement towards using
music
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. On the one hand,
music
Use synonyms
 can be used in various types of exercises.
For example
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, joining yoga classes every
weekends
Change to a singular noun
weekend
show examples
.
Moreover
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, yoga was found to be a safe exercise and potentially support cardiovascular disease.
This
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 will be more beneficial if
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 soothing and relaxing
music
Use synonyms
 for participants to manage their internal
stress
Use synonyms
. In my country,
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy doing yoga at the park with diverse age groups
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
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early in the morning. Not forget to mention, the instructor put out wind-like
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
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 to control the group movements.
Thus
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,
music
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in managing
stress
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 and
choregraphy
Correct your spelling
choreography
.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 that
music
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 is not
their
Change preposition
on their
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 top list
solutions
Change preposition
of solutions
show examples
 to make their
stress
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 manageable.
For instance
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 might need
a
Correct article usage
apply
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complete peace and only
a
Correct article usage
the
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 sound of
natural
Replace the word
nature
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 is acceptable for them during their leisure
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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. These
people
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 could be
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 are living in a busy city and seeking a piece of quietness to mend their psychological well-being. In my own experience, after a busy work
together with
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 sound pollution in a busy city, I personally
seeking
Wrong verb form
seek
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
natural sounds and sceneries after living in
chaotic
Add an article
a chaotic
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 life.
Therefore
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, there are certain circumstances where
music
Use synonyms
 is not the perfect getaway stressor. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 can come in handy if
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 at the right place
while
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some
Change preposition
in some
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 situations
music
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 is better
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
In addition
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, good
music
Use synonyms
 often touches souls.

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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structures to enhance the clarity of your ideas. Avoid small grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and plural forms, to make your writing more polished.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help in achieving a more persuasive and comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure that each point flows smoothly to the next, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
introduction
The introduction effectively presents the main issue and the writer's stance, setting a clear direction for the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the discussion and gives a final point on the role of music in stress management.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by addressing both the benefits and limitations of music for stress relief, which shows depth in task achievement.
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