IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

•Although more and more people read the news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree?

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It said that
,
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apply
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 a substantial number of people prefer reading the news from newspapers than the internet.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
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 statement for two main reasons.
Firstly
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, the internet
require
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requires
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 expensive
resource
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resources
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such
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 as
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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 and
conection
Correct your spelling
connections
.
Secondly
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, using the internet for a long time will
be
Unnecessary verb
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affect
on
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our
health
Use synonyms
. There is no doubt that skimming a newspaper from a device needs a costly method like
iPad
Correct article usage
an iPad
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 and WIFI connection device.
This
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 is because these two factors consider crucial resources and not all individuals can pay especially in a poverty society. In Africa,
For instance
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, people suffer from poor income
consequently
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, paying expensive methods impossible for them.
Moreover
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, supporting facing screens for a long period has a negative impact on
health
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. To illustrate, many
health
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 problems related to obesity and eyesight are associated directly with the time spent on technology.
In
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1992, can be a prime example, the research done by Cambridge University on some students who spent more than half of their day in front of a device. The result was significant symptoms noted
such
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 as an increase in weight gain and blurry vision. In conclusion, I firmly disagree that online newspaper is better than the traditional way.
Due to
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 a lack of resources and
health
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 issues. From my point of view, traditional fashion is reliable for a huge human.
Additionally
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, it is healthier than others. Which makes a lot of countries depend on paper until
this
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 era. The government plays a pivotal role in awareness of the local about over-reliance on technology

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the thesis and has clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Avoid over-generalization and make sure to directly address the essay prompt throughout.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to effectively support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
You have made a clear stand in the introduction and conclusion, which must be commended.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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