Some people say children should have organized free time activities. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time?Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, in the 21st century individuals in society tend to think that adults, mainly parents should organize the
time
schedule of adolescents and their children
, whilst others reckon that freedom of choice for children
should be required as a main issue. Personally speaking, I am convinced that from early toddler's time
, individuals need to recognize that avoiding time
expenditure for unnecessary things is an appropriate option.
It is worth considering that if children
are organised and do not waste their time
on unintelligent actions, they provide themselves with future opportunities. Moreover
, it can be a core echelon in terms of the personality of teenagers, like problem-solving skills or strong determination of human beings. To cite an example, my nephew is always busy with different beneficial activities, starting with learning languages and concluding with physical activities, and from his experience as a child, I can undoubtedly notice that in comparison with his counterparts, he is smarter and he is not overthinking when facing sophisticated problems as well. Additionally
, when human beings from their early years are involved in different activities and do not spend time
with those children
who can influence and change their mindset noticeably in a detrimental way, they will be one step ahead.
On the other hand
, being independent when it comes to making decisions is crucial, because it can lead to leadership qualities, which will have a tremendous impact on an individual's adult life. Furthermore
, at a young age formed prefrontal complex, is influenced and mainly controls the decision-making process. On top of that, thats
why exactly parents should not protect their Correct your spelling
that's
children
from being independent and they need to deliberately support them.
To sum up
, it is a double-edged sword, but despite this
scheduling time
youngsters tip the scale and lead to beneficial consequences and ramifications.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views of the topic and gives an opinion, it could benefit from a clearer and more concise structure. Consider separating the points more distinctly and use more straightforward language to enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the logical flow of the essay. Organize information in a clearer manner to avoid overlapping ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with specific examples. While the example of the nephew was effective, try incorporating examples for each main point to demonstrate a broader understanding.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both viewpoints, which is essential for task completion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear opening and closing to the discussion.
task achievement
The use of a personal example adds a unique touch to the essay and helps support the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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