IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important thing to consider.

#job #salary
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Many people opine that salary is a crucial factor in shaping the decision to choose a
job
Use synonyms
. There is no denying that some causes
such
Linking Words
 as
job
Use synonyms
 conditions, team spirit, work hours and so on are important but
according to
Linking Words
 my opinion
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary can cover all these problems. I will support
this
Linking Words
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 should provide comfort
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employees
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 creating
sincere
Correct article usage
a sincere
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 environment,
transporting
Replace the word
transport
show examples
, insurance and
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
show examples
 salary. As you know we live in
capitalist
Add an article
the capitalist
a capitalist
show examples
 world and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
Add a comma
there,
show examples
 we have to measure everything
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 amount. Unfortunately, every worker should pay
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of tax to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
,
Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
 more than a third of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 wages individuals pay for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rent. There are a lot
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
show examples
 two
Use synonyms
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 to afford
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
show examples
 of living.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 community is full of unsatisfied and tired people.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as a human
being
Add a comma
being,
show examples
 we have social needs
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travelling, enhancing our personal abilities, learning and discovering the world. We ought to pay
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for all
activities
Correct article usage
the activities
show examples
 we want to do. Modern youngsters demand more flexibility from
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 and in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they can take a few jobs at the same time.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they gain financial independence and support their dreams come true. In conclusion, having significant money allows you
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
show examples
 as much
happier
Replace the word
happily
show examples
 as possible,
spending
Replace the word
spend
show examples
 time with loved ones, discover the World and cultivate hobbies.
Submitted by abdullazada.naila on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea for better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The topic is addressed with relevant arguments and points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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