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Writing Samples
Band 5

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. (Thảo)

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In the fourth technological revolution , the personal
information
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 of many individuals is held by large
Internet
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companies
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 and
organisations
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is quite convenient to control popular. Personal
information
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 held by
Internet
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companies
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 and
organisations
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 can help control the amount of
people
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 in the region and migration between different regions. Prevent
people
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 not having an origin
that is
Linking Words
 not clear and does not allow migration to
this
Linking Words
 place.
Information
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 controlled by large
internet
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 can be searched quickly if we need
.
Fix the infinitive
to.
show examples
 Recently research shows that 80 percent of
people
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 migrate not clearly banned in the region because the personal
information
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 is not known in statistics. Large
Internet
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companies
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 and
organisations
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 hold the personal
information
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 of many individuals to help them access
information
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 about goods, products, and employment. Deep knowledge about
people
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 so provides a job, accommodation, food to poor
people
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, unemployment.
This
Linking Words
 helps social development and improves the lives of citizens. Statistics show that the percentage of
people
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 not have a job decreased by about 72 per cent.
However
Linking Words
, there are still harmful effects we need to consider .
Information
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 can be taken advantage of by scams. These firms sell client
information
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 to
people
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 who have demand but
this
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 creates a bad experience for users. They complain regularly because of the text advertisements on
Messenger's
Change the noun form
Messengers
Messenger
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 and Facebook
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
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 about problems
such
Linking Words
 as debt. Large
internet
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companies
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 and
organisations
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 hold the personal
information
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 of many individuals creating advantages for the lives of
people
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 and improving the quality of the system region

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents both the thesis and the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to help connect ideas.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support arguments, ensuring that they are directly related to the main points.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is clearly supported and developed throughout the paragraph.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify complex ideas with simpler and more precise language to improve reader comprehension.
complete response
The essay attempts to weigh both the advantages and disadvantages of large internet companies holding personal information.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion discusses the impact of internet companies on both personal convenience and potential exploitation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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