IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

15 Traffic and housing problems are major cities could be solved by moving a large company and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extend, did you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#traffic #cities #company #factories #employees #countryside
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These days, Some people think that the problem is related to the traffic jams and accommodations can be solved by transiting the large businesses and their workers to the suburban areas. I do not subscribe to
this
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 idea on account of the fact that these changes have a negative environmental impact and economic impact. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really crucial is that when companies and factories move to the countryside,
then
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 a large number of forests, the habitat of biodiversity, will become extinct ,and the amount of pollution emission will increase.
In other words
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, companies need a lot of sectors for their facilities and residential areas;
as a result
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, they destroy jungles for their factories and their employees' houses.
Furthermore
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, they generate a majority of greenhouse gases and water contaminants ;
thereafter
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, they discharge wastes directly into rivers and the atmosphere.
On the other hand
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, relocating industries from metropolises to the countryside requires too much money from governments and companies inasmuch as the authorities should invest money in developing infrastructure and amenities in these districts ,
such
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 as roads, communication networks and so forth.
In addition
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, businesses have to spend a great deal of money on constructing their factories and employees' accommodations.
To sum up
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, in my personal opinion, solving the city's issues like traffic congestion and housing by moving industries to the suburban regions has an adverse influence in some sections.
For example
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,
this
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 work is not eco-friendly because has triggers matter that annihilates nature and wild creatures ,and it wastes too much budget on infrastructure.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea, as some sections are a bit fragmented.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to strengthen your points, possibly with real-world instances or more detailed illustrations.
introduction conclusion
The introduction successfully sets the stage for your viewpoint, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance.
supported main points
Main points are reasonably well-supported throughout the essay, adding clarity to your arguments.
complete response
The response adequately addresses the prompt, discussing both environmental and economic impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • housing demand
  • property prices
  • economic growth
  • local spending
  • commuting
  • amenities
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure development
  • habitat destruction
  • investment
  • public services
What to do next:
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