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Writing Samples
Band 7

Students leave high school without learning about how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this? What can be improved in students’ understanding of how to manage their finances?

#students #school #money #students’ #finances
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In today’s society, most people claim that school leavers finish school without knowing how to control their budget. From my perspective, there are some causes
as well as
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 possible solutions to
this
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 tendency.
To begin
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 with, these days more and more pupils are facing financial problems. I mean that they tend to waste their pocket
money
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 from their
parents
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 for unnecessary items or activities like playing computer games, online shopping and many more. The main reason for
this
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 issue is that most schools do not normally pay enough attention to educating schoolchildren economy and finance.
As a result
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, teenagers are unable to spend their
money
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 wisely. Another reason is that some
parents
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 neglect their offspring’s expenses or do not control what they spend on.
Consequently
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, they might encounter some financial challenges in the future which limits their fiscal opportunities and causes stressful situations. When it comes to solutions to the problem, there are some useful ways which make the best of it.
While
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 a pile of
parents
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 do not take into consideration their offspring’s expenses
,
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apply
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 and education, some schools should take the children's financial challenges to their shoulders by teaching them economics in order to be a person who can control his or her
money
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.
Moreover
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, if necessary, the teachers must show the students their
parents
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 how to earn wages and spend cleverly in order to influence their minds and how to handle their financial problems in the future. In conclusion,
while
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 most
parents
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 can not teach their children cutback and
money
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 management because of their work, the government should not forget to educate schoolchildren on how to manage their problems like we said financial affairs and the economy.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question by discussing reasons and suggesting improvements.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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