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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Assem

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Some people think that doctors and engineers should
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 where they studied. In my case, I think they should not if they do not want to
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 where they studied because it is their choice. In my first
experience
Add a comma
experience,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In my first experience. Consider adding a comma.

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 it is additional knowledge
their
Change preposition
of their

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.if they
working
Wrong verb form
work

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb working. Consider changing it.

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 abroad they will see new technologies,advanced methods and diverse working environments.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 , a doctor working in Korea a developed
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can gain valuable experience that they might bring back to their home
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 later.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 global collaboration fosters development on an international scale. If people support the idea of professionals remaining in their training
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 highlight the importance of addressing national needs. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In my opinion. Consider adding a comma.

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 many governments invested
to
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 training skilled professionals, especially in fields like medicine and engineering, to improve their
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

country
Change noun form
country's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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 service.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 these people want to go
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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abroad actually the
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 may suffer from a shortage of essential workers.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, developing countries often rely on their doctors to meet basic health needs. Their loss in
favor
Change the spelling
favour

The spelling of favor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 of richer countries may lead to a deterioration in public health and a slowdown in economic progress.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, field-trained specialists are familiar with the
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's unique problems,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as specific diseases or infrastructure needs, which makes them more suitable for serving their population. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 requiring professionals to remain in their training
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 helps meet domestic needs and prevent brain drain, it may
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 restrict their personal freedom and career development. Allowing them to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 abroad fosters innovation, global collaboration, and economic benefits through remittances. A balanced approach,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as mandating a minimum service period before working internationally or providing incentives to stay, can address the needs of both individuals and their home countries. By combining freedom with responsibility, both sides can benefit.

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task achievement
In the introduction, try to present both views more clearly before stating your opinion. This will help set the context for the discussion and make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to follow a clear and logical structure by having one paragraph for each main point. This will help in maintaining clarity and focus.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences, making the text flow naturally from one point to another.
task achievement
Some sentences in your essay can have more complete explanations; try expanding on ideas slightly more to ensure they're fully articulated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that encapsulates the main points discussed.
task achievement
You’ve included relevant examples that enhance your main ideas, such as the example of a doctor working in a developed country.
task achievement
Your conclusion is well-crafted, addressing a balanced approach which is thoughtful and insightful, showing strong logical thinking.
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