Some people believe that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, vehicles
are
Verb problem
have
playing
a major role Wrong verb form
played
for
convenience. Change preposition
in
However
, some groups of Linking Words
people
believe that the greatest way to maintain road safety is to increase the required legal Use synonyms
age
of drivers for driving cars or riding motorbikes. I totally disagree with Use synonyms
this
statement. I will explain some Linking Words
view points
with relevant examples in the following essay.
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
To begin
with, there are several other factors that can be dangerous Linking Words
rather
than the stricter Correct your spelling
other
age
limits for safety Use synonyms
purpose
. First and foremost, nowadays, younger Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
people
have more judgment skills compared to old Use synonyms
people
, which could lessen the chances of accidents done by individuals who are Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
under
Correct your spelling
underage
age
. Use synonyms
Additionally
, poor Linking Words
infrastructures
of roads are Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
also
causing accidents. Linking Words
For instance
, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 60% of accidents happened because of Linking Words
the
damage on the roads.
Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, Linking Words
the
better driver education and various kinds of training programs can Correct article usage
apply
also
be effective Linking Words
instead
of raising Linking Words
age
limits. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
people
can enhance more driving skills and gain more knowledge about the rules. Use synonyms
For example
, organizing campaigns that can Linking Words
helpful
to provide Replace the word
help
wide
understanding of driving Add an article
a wide
if
more impactful rather than changing Correct your spelling
is
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
age
.
In conclusion, changing the minimal legal Use synonyms
age
is not an effective way to make sure about road safety. Other than that improving road construction Use synonyms
as well as
guiding Linking Words
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
correct
information regarding driving is profitable.Change preposition
with correct
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Task Achievement
Consider providing additional reasons or perspectives to strengthen your argument. As it stands, the essay offers a limited range of points regarding why increasing the age limit might not enhance road safety.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas flow logically. While the essay is fairly well-organized, there are places where transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Try including more specific examples or data to support your arguments. While a couple of examples are given, the essay could benefit from broader or more detailed evidence that would make your position more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main premise effectively. It's good that you begin with a definitive position on the statement and summarize it at the end.
Task Achievement
You introduce alternative factors affecting road safety, such as infrastructural issues and the importance of driver education, which is a good way to approach the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.