Question: some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on the age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views and give an opinion.
People
have different Use synonyms
view
about Fix the agreement mistake
views
working
Correct article usage
the working
age
Use synonyms
restriction
, some argue that Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
people
should stop working after the Use synonyms
age
of 65, and Use synonyms
the
others notion that Correct article usage
apply
people
should have their own choice on their Use synonyms
retirement
Use synonyms
age
. Use synonyms
While
everyone should have Linking Words
their
Change the word
the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
on choosing
what they want, I believe that without the restriction of working Change preposition
to choose
age
is more beneficial.
On the one hand, there Use synonyms
is
some Correct subject-verb agreement
are
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
about
the regulation of Change preposition
to
Use synonyms
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
age
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
people
can start to fully enjoy their life after the Use synonyms
age
of 65 without any worries, because everyone follows a standard of working limitation, Use synonyms
therefore
, no competitive mentality during Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
retirement
, and the elders can peacefully have their own time with their Use synonyms
love
ones. Replace the word
loved
Secondly
, having a restriction on working Linking Words
age
could Use synonyms
also
create more job opportunities for youngsters. Linking Words
Moreover
, having a working Linking Words
age
standard could help Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
on setting
up their Wrong verb form
set
goal
, Fix the agreement mistake
goals
people
can have a clear goal on what they going to achieve before the Use synonyms
age
of 65.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, it is Linking Words
perhabs
more important to consider the freedom of individuals choice. Correct your spelling
perhaps
People
should Use synonyms
have
their own Verb problem
make
decision
on what to do Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
on
whatever stage of their Change preposition
at
life
. It is important to consider some elders Fix the agreement mistake
lives
relies
the working environment for their social needs, quitting their job means leaving their social circles. Add the preposition
relies on
relies upon
For example
, some elders in China are having Linking Words
suicide
Replace the word
suicidal
thought
after Correct subject-verb agreement
thoughts
retirement
because they feel lonely and feel lifeless after quitting their working circle.
In conclusion, I believe both Use synonyms
view
has their own advantage, but we should all respect each individual's freedom of choice.Change to a plural noun
views
Submitted by joeyuan1012 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your arguments. While the essay presents two views and your opinion, the transition between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to show clear connections between points.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and elaboration. While an example from China is provided, including another example to support the benefit of age restrictions would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Clarify your ideas further. In some parts, the reasons behind certain arguments are not fully developed or explained. Make sure to expand on why unrestricted working age is beneficial, for instance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up the discussion and summarizing your view that freedom of choice is essential.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views as instructed, discussing the reasons for retirement age regulation and the importance of individual choice, which achieves the task well.
Task Achievement
There is good intention to balance both sides of the argument and provide an opinion, demonstrating a thoughtful approach to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.