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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The bar chart provides key information about the
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
 of
houses
Use synonyms
 built annually in
Derby
Use synonyms
 and
Nottingham
Use synonyms
. The
units
Use synonyms
 are measured in the number of
houses
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a significant increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 housing
among
Change preposition
during
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 the period of 2000 to 2009.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Derby
Use synonyms
's
houses
Use synonyms
 were
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 peak in 2009,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of homes built in
Use synonyms
Nottingham's
Change noun form
Nottingham
show examples
 was high in 2008.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown from the chart,
Linking Words
initially
Add a comma
initially,
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
 in
Derby
Use synonyms
 were less than 50 for two years. In 2002 it faced a slight increase to roughly 70,
while
Linking Words
 in the next year it passed 100
units
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. For the next 4
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
has grown
grew
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 to more than 100 and remained constant. During 2008, the number of homes in
Derby
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 jumped to more than 250
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 in 2009 it increased by 100
units
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. In terms of
Nottingham
Use synonyms
, it started with 50 residences with a slight increase in 2001 to more than 50. In 2002 it plunged nearly to 20. Throughout the interval of 2003 to 2005 it increased gradually until it reached roughly 80 villas. Building of accommodations in 2006 dropped to less than 50,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 in 2007 it faced a significant growth to around 200
units
Use synonyms
. In 2008
Nottingham
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's
houses
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 sharply nearly to 20 villas,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in
2009
Add a comma
2009,
show examples
 it reached 250.
Submitted by aishahaldawai.253 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, derby, nottingham, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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