IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. AISU

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. AISU
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons #aisu
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph presents the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of shops that closed and the number of stores that opened in the countryside from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a graph which
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the closures and openings of stores between 2011-2018. To start with, the number of shops that opened in 2011 was about 8,500 but, it dramatically decreased in 2012 up
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4,000. From 2012 to 2014 it started increasing steadily and it became 6,000 from 4,000, but from 2014 it decreased
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4,000 in 2015. The next two years it stayed steadiness up
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4,000 in 2017, and the
last
Linking Words
 year the
stores
Fix the agreement mistake
store
show examples
 opening saw a decline
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 3,000. The closures of shops in 2011 was approximately 6,500 and after a year it saw a descending trend
Change preposition
of
show examples
about 6,000. In 2013 it went up for 7,000 and
then
Linking Words
 downward tendency in 2014 approximately 6,000 closures. In the next year
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 shows a rapid decrease from 6,000 to about 800. In 2016 was an upward tendency near 5,000 which stayed
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
plateau
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2018.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: