Some believe that globalization has brought more benefits than problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? > overall opinion (evaluative)

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In today's modern world,
globalisation
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has become a phenomenon.
While
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some argue that
globalisation
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offers numerous advantages, others think that it has its disadvantages.
This
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essay will discuss both
benefits
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the benefits
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and drawbacks of
globalisation
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, and I will
also
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provide my opinion on the matter One of the major upsides of
globalisation
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is that it positively affects the way we communicate.
This
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is particularly beneficial because it connects people despite their locations. Another benefit of
globalisation
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is that it has increased global trade, which helps companies to increase profits and gain popularity.
Moreover
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,
globalisation
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facilitates access to the information.
For instance
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, many academic institutions benefit from exchanging information by using the internet to access international research databases, attend online conferences and study courses anywhere in the world.
On the other hand
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, one downside of
globalisation
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is a loss of traditional values
due to
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an increase in other cultures' influence on the local culture.
For example
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, many American movies have impacted
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
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manners. These manners are inappropriate in their traditional homes,
for
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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wearing
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wear
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overly casual clothing and
using
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use
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bad language.
Furthermore
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,
globalisation
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allows large companies, like Apple, to dominate markets, making it difficult for smaller, local businesses to compete. Another serious
drawbacks
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drawback
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of
globalisation
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is that it could spread misinformation in our online communication or promote fake news
due to
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things easily going viral on social media. In conclusion,
while
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globalisation
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offers significant advantages
such
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as connecting people, global trade and exchanging information, it
also
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has notable disadvantages, including a loss of traditional values, harming local companies and spreading misinformation. In my opinion, the benefits of
globalisation
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completely outweigh the drawbacks because it has vastly improved our quality lives by allowing us to do more with
help
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the help
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of people from around the world.

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Coherence
To enhance coherence in your essay, make sure to transition smoothly between ideas, possibly adding more linking words or phrases to guide the reader through each point.
Task Achievement
Your task response is overall well-developed. There is room for improvement by providing deeper analysis or additional examples to substantiate your points further.
Coherence
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the discussion about globalization effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly responds to the task with a balanced view of globalization, discussing both its benefits and drawbacks.
Task Achievement
You have provided specific examples, such as the influence of American movies on teenagers, which helps in illustrating your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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