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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more P.E lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #p #e #lessons #school #curriculum
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The number of overweight people is obviously all around the world and it can be a serious subject for the care system. There are various approaches for taking control over
this
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 situation and one of them is: more physical
education
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 lessons in the school. I strongly believe that having more physical
education
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 can not be the best rescue. I think the solution to
this
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 problem must be more fundamental than having just a few more lessons. One can not ignore the fact that the right
education
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 and information in schools have more influence on people than in their adult time,
on the other hand
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, we should consider if the students are mature enough to understand the importance of the subject overweighting or the Methods to prevent it. I totally agree to level up the quality of physical learning lessons
instead
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 of increasing the number of them. The Method of transferring physical knowledge must change in the
education
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 system and it should be more effective and attractive for our children in school.
Furthermore
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, I think it is good to be mentioned that arguing something repeatedly decreases its value and importance. When students are bombarded with information about overweighting every day, they won’t pay attention to the subject and it seems like something naive. When I was a student, I would be more affected by the right
education
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 in my
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 cartoons than
the
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in the
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 different classes at school. In essence, I would like to emphasize that it’s about quality and not quantity. If we can suggest vital approaches and dwell on modern and attractive methods, we can expect more success in controlling
this
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 problem.
Submitted by faranakasadzadian on

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task achievement
Try to include specific examples or case studies that can strengthen your argument. This can help demonstrate how the lack of physical education has failed or how it could contribute positively.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your key points and restates your main argument on quality versus quantity.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs addressing separate points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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