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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#life #cycle #honey #bee #report #university #lecturer #information #summarise #features #comparisons
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The flowchart provides key information about the honey
Use synonyms
bees
Change noun form
bees'
bee's
show examples
 lifecycle.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that honey
Use synonyms
bees
Change noun form
bees'
bee's
show examples
 life cycle is a cyclic and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multi-stage operation that requires several steps, starting from
Use synonyms
eggs
Fix the agreement mistake
egg
show examples
 laying,
ending
Correct word choice
and ending
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
bees
Change the noun form
bee
show examples
 maturity.
In addition
Linking Words
, the initial steps are laying and hatching, ending with emerging and maturity.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown from the chart, The lifespan of honey
bees
Use synonyms
 takes from 34 to 36
days
Use synonyms
 as it
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 with
eggs
Use synonyms
 laying.
Female
Correct article usage
A female
show examples
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
show examples
lays
Correct your spelling
lay
show examples
 one or two
eggs
Use synonyms
each
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
 three
days
Use synonyms
 and
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
 the
eggs
Use synonyms
 until it got
hatched
Wrong verb form
hatch
show examples
 after 9 to 10
days
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the fifth day, the hatching process is completed and small
bees
Use synonyms
 take several
days
Use synonyms
 to grow. During
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 7 to 9 , small
bees
Use synonyms
 are called nympth and their size
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tripled in
this
Linking Words
 period. In terms of the final steps, the emerging phase got started
subsequuently
Correct your spelling
subsequently
 after day 9 they
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
emerged into young adults. After 4
days
Use synonyms
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 adult
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
matured.
Submitted by aishahaldawai.253 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bees, eggs, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life cycle
  • laying of eggs
  • queen bee
  • hatch into larvae
  • rapid growth
  • develop into pupae
  • significant transformation
  • emergence of the adult bee
  • matures fully
  • cyclical nature
  • colony’s survival
  • reproduction process
  • subsequent generations
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