IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart displays the proportions of males and females aged 60-64 in
employment
Use synonyms
 in four different
nations
Use synonyms
 in the years 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
employment
Use synonyms
 rate of
men
Use synonyms
 decreased in all countries
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
's rates increased in some
nations
Use synonyms
. Japan was the highest in
employment
Use synonyms
 for both
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
. The
employment
Use synonyms
 percentages of
women
Use synonyms
 were lower than
men
Use synonyms
. The
employment
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 rates of
men
Use synonyms
 in Australia went down from 74% in 1970 to 47% in 2000
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 went up from 17% in 1970 to 19% in 2000.
men
Use synonyms
 employers in Japan were the highest among all
nations
Use synonyms
 with 84% in 1970 and declined to 76% in 2000. Girls
employment
Use synonyms
 in Japan was the highest with 43% and dropped slightly to 40% in 2000. The proportion of employed males in the USA was the lowest among all
nations
Use synonyms
 with nearly three quarters and it went down to just above half in 2000
While
Linking Words
 the rate of employed females in the USA was the second highest with 36% in 1970 and rose to 38% in 2000. The
men
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 employers in Belgium were the second highest with 79% before its dramatic drop to just 19% in 2000.
Women
Use synonyms
 who work in Belgium were the lowest among all
nations
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 with small fractions of 8% and 7% in 1970 and 2000 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, nations, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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