IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that giving children a certain amount of money every week will help them have fewer financial problems in the future. To what extend agree or disagree

#people #children #amount #money #week #future
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It is said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Assisting our children by giving them specific
money
Use synonyms
 per week
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is helping them to solve their financial issues in the future.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with the above-mentioned statement for two main reasons.
Firstly
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, it enhances the sense of responsibility.
Secondly
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, giving
a
Remove the article
apply
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certain
money
Use synonyms
 will immersive them in
Correct article usage
the labor
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 market earlier.
To begin
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 with, providing funds to our children is not only
booster
Correct article usage
a booster
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personal
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of personal
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 responses but
also
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learning
Verb problem
teaches
show examples
 them the value of having things. To illustrate, in
this
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 era
with
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of
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accelerate developing
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accelerated development
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 in our life, there are increasing
in
Change preposition
apply
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requirements and they want to pay every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
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 they desire. When they have won
money
Use synonyms
.
Although
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,
this
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 desire is exsist but
enforce
Verb problem
forces
show examples
 them to
put
Verb problem
make
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 it
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 priority.Cambridge University can be a prime example,
by
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of
show examples
 conducted research between two
Use synonyms
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
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.
Group
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 A boys take weekly
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 and
group
Use synonyms
 B children receive per day. And measured the level of deal with
money
Use synonyms
. The
resulte
Correct your spelling
results
result
 show that
group
Use synonyms
 one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
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 knowledge
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of
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how to deal with
funs
Correct subject-verb agreement
fun
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 more than others.
Moreover
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, giving expenses
fostering
Wrong verb form
fosters
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking and personal growth from
earlier
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an earlier
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 age.
This
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 is because, training them how to deal with
money
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
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can
be introduce
Change the verb form
introduce
show examples
 them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market so
probabilty
Correct your spelling
probability
 to
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 they
busnisess
Correct your spelling
business
 from
young
Add an article
a young
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 age
such
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 as
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
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 person called
Abdualla
Correct your spelling
Abdulla
, For he
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started won workes in marketing
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 17 old and he was the youngest man in that period between his competitors and he succeeded to be one of the influence people in society. In conclusion, I firmly agree with learn our
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 how to deal with cash and
open
Replace the word
opening
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 eyes for the future.
This
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 reflects directly on his personal
grwth
Correct your spelling
growth
, critical thinking, and
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility.
Submitted by wedyanmassoud on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples and statistics to support your points. This could add depth and clarity to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main ideas are clearly explained and followed through in each paragraph. It feels a bit disjointed at times.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar in some areas for clarity and fluidity. A few sections are a bit awkwardly phrased.
task achievement
The essay has a structured response to the prompt, with clear reasons supporting the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and align with the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay attempts to incorporate examples, which help demonstrate the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • weekly allowances
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • financial management
  • spending choices
  • future goals
  • experiential learning
  • trial and error
  • funds
  • independence
  • decision making
  • delayed gratification
  • debt
  • financial woes
  • financial habits
  • overspending
  • undervaluing money
What to do next:
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