IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about how commuters travelled to work in one city in New Zealand. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about how commuters travelled to work in one city in New Zealand. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #commuters #work #city #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
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We were asked to compare how
people
Use synonyms
 got to work in 1996 and 2006. We can see that choosing a private
car
Use synonyms
 or truck is the most important in both years. In 1996,
this
Linking Words
 figure will reach 50%, but by 2006 it will drop slightly to 35%.
Further
Linking Words
 down the graph, we see that the leading position was occupied by a personal
car
Use synonyms
. Indeed, in 1996, the share of articles "company
car
Use synonyms
" and "work at home" was almost the same - 9%. But in 2006,
people
Use synonyms
 were almost twice as likely to choose a company
car
Use synonyms
, which is 13-15%,
while
Linking Words
 "work from home" was 9%.
Further
Linking Words
 on the graph, we can see that a small part of
people
Use synonyms
 preferred walking and jogging, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who chose
this
Linking Words
 option for themselves was 7% in 1996 and 5% in 2006. The bus and bicycle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
values are similar, I think it's because of the easy accessibility of both ways. In 1996, a bus had a
value
Use synonyms
 of 5% and a motorcycle had a
value
Use synonyms
 of 7%. In 2006, the situation with these types of
transport
Use synonyms
 is different, the
value
Use synonyms
 of a public bus is slightly higher, i.e. 12% than the
value
Use synonyms
 of a bicycle of 10%. The next not very popular
transport
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 period of years is the tram, its values show us 3% in 1996 and 3% in 2006, and
this
Linking Words
 particular
transport
Use synonyms
 showed us stability in
people
Use synonyms
's choice. Well, the motorcycle has the
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
lowest values, and "other" is probably the most inconvenient way. In both years, the
value
Use synonyms
 is 1%.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, we see that a private
car
Use synonyms
 is in a stable position, from which we can understand that
this
Linking Words
 is the most comfortable
transport
Use synonyms
. But the motorcycle,
according to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
, is at the very bottom of the rating, which indicates the unpopularity of
transport
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, further".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, car, value, transport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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