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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in sir cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in sir cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #sir #cities #summarise #features #comparisons
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The table provides the basic information on the underground railway systems in six cities on three continents. The information includes the start
year
Use synonyms
, the total
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of the systems, and the number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the European cities are the earliest that
operated
Wrong verb form
operate
show examples
 the railways,
while
Linking Words
 Los Angeles is the latest one to run the railway system. In terms of distance, London and
Paris
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have the longest routes,
while
Linking Words
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 is the shortest.
In addition
Linking Words
, Tokyo is the city with the most
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 another city in Japan,
Kyoto
Use synonyms
, is the least. Based on the
year
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 started operating, London is the oldest system, established in 1863, followed by
Paris
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 in 1900. The newest system is in Los Angeles, started in 2001.
Moreover
Linking Words
, London has the longest distance, with 394
kilometres
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,
then
Linking Words
Paris
Use synonyms
 with 199
kilometres
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. The shortest route is located in
Kyoto
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, with only 11
kilometres
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. Meanwhile, in terms of users, Tokyo obviously has the most number of commuters per
year
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, with almost two billion people,
while
Linking Words
 the second place is
Paris
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, which has 1.2 billion
passengers
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 per
year
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 has the least amount of people, with 45 million
passengers
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pimpisut.sata on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, kilometres, passengers, paris, kyoto with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway system
  • route length
  • annual passengers
  • opening date
  • established
  • network
  • passenger numbers
  • comparison
  • geographical location
  • urban transit
  • infrastructure
  • length of the route
  • serve
  • capacity
  • system expansion
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