IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write an essay of 250 words on the following topic: Some people believe that zoos serve no useful purpose and should be closed down. Others argue that zoos play a vital role in conservation efforts and public education. Do you agree or disgree?

#topic #people #zoos #purpose #role #conservation #efforts #education #disgree
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While
Linking Words
 some suggest that
zoos
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal role in preservation and public education, others believe that they are of no use and should be shut down. From my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, I agree with both points of view
due to
Linking Words
 the following reasons. On one hand, it is
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 to attach importance to
zoos
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 as they are crucial to conserve endangered and rare
animals
Use synonyms
. By putting them in one place and methodizing rules to ensure their safety and survival,
such
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 as guarding service,
animals
Use synonyms
 will not meet the prospect of being hunted or brutally killed in natural life
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 has always been a very problem
existing
Verb problem
apply
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.
For example
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, a wildlife crossing for mountain lions in California's zoo has reduced a great deal of
widelife
Correct your spelling
wildlife
 loss.
Furthermore
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, catching sight of
this
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 landscape, alongside the guidance of guides
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the community gain a thorough understanding
about
Change preposition
of
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 what happened and how serious the problem is, leading to a wider recognition to take essential actions.
On the other hand
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, there are still negative aspects of
zoos
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 that make them counterproductive. Their foundations can take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 of visitor's
budget
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budgets
show examples
, yet do not actually afford protection to the
animals
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, which are seen as tools to get profit. Several cases have been recorded
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
zoo's
Change noun form
zoo
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 owners
ignore
Wrong verb form
ignoring
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 the health status of some, resulting in an awful lot of
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
.
Besides
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,
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
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 in the zoo may not be a completely appropriate one for
animals
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. In the light of artificial habitats,
animals
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could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 grow as comprehensively as they are in the
natural's
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natural
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which is a true home for many entities to live. All things considered, despite the positive facets that
zoos
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 bring out, like promoting conservation or wildlife lessons, they have some disadvantages. It is best to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
, albeit be responsible for
animals
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that we can achieve a gainful result.
Submitted by caivankihh779 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to make your introduction and conclusion more distinct by explicitly stating your agreement or disagreement at the start and summarizing your main points at the end.
supported main points
Ensure that your main points are clearly supported by specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.
relevant specific examples
There is an attempt to provide examples, such as the wildlife crossing in California, which makes the argument more tangible.
logical structure
Logical structure is present, with arguments organized into separate paragraphs for pros and cons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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