The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#job #money

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this

Linking Words

contemporary world, a lot of people think that

salary

Use synonyms

very

Correct article usage

a very

show examples

important part of the

job

Use synonyms

but in fact, a lot of things could influence

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that. I absolutely disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion because there are things more important than

salary

Use synonyms

for example

Linking Words

working conditions or

time

Correct article usage

the time

show examples

that you spend at

work

Use synonyms

Linking Words

This

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

two factors could have

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

effect on our body and brain.

For example

Linking Words

, if you are working more than 9 hours at

work

Use synonyms

and you have

a bad conditions

Correct the article-noun agreement

bad conditions

a bad condition

show examples

for

work

Use synonyms

but you have a big

salary

Use synonyms

it is still bad

work

Use synonyms

because you spend all your free time

for

Change preposition

show examples

work

Use synonyms

. After

work

Use synonyms

, you will be very tired and sluggish without any time for rest. We live in a good circs and we can find any

job

Use synonyms

with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

payment

Replace the word

pay

show examples

and accompaniments so we have

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

many different ways to solve

this

Linking Words

problem.

Money

Use synonyms

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a very big value for people nowadays so

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

everybody at first

watch

Change the verb form

watches

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

because nobody

don't

Change the verb form

doesn't

show examples

want to be poor. If

money

Use synonyms

doesn't

Wrong verb form

didn't

show examples

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

matter everybody

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

find a

job

Use synonyms

for their

happy

Replace the word

happiness

show examples

. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

we all can say that

money

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is not

Change preposition

show examples

first

Add an article

the first

show examples

place.

Everyone

Replace the word

Every one

show examples

should find

Use synonyms

job

Add an article

a job

show examples

don't

watching

Change the verb form

watch

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

Use synonyms

money

Add an article

the money

show examples

they should watch

Change preposition

for

show examples

their opinion and facilities because only your opinion is the important

parametr

Correct your spelling

parameter

parameters

Submitted by serikzhanov20 on Mon Jan 13 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

To improve logical structure, use more cohesive devices, like transition words (e.g., furthermore, on the other hand), to better link your ideas.

task achievement

Enhance task response by directly addressing the prompt more systematically. Outline why you disagree right at the beginning, then follow a clear structure in your paragraphs to support this stance.

task achievement

Ensure that every main point is thoroughly explained and clearly supported with examples that are specific and relevant to your stance.

coherence cohesion

The essay introduces and concludes the argument appropriately, framing your disagreement with the idea that salary is the most important aspect of a job.

task achievement

You acknowledge the importance of salary but argue for the significance of work conditions and hours, showing a broader understanding of job satisfaction.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

225 words

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The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many Museums charge for admission while others do not. Do you think that the advantages of charging people into the museum out weights the disadvantages ?