IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People nowadays tend to have children later in life. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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People nowadays tend to have children later in
life
Use synonyms
. Do the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh the disadvantages?
Change preposition
These
show examples
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,people choose to have kids later in
life
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 having children after creating your
life
Use synonyms
 and career is the biggest benefit of
this
Linking Words
, becoming older is the increased
healthy risky
Replace the word
health risk
show examples
 and the ability to take care of them physically. One evident benefit of deciding to have babies at later stages of
life
Use synonyms
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 become financially sustainable and strong to ensure their children’s quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
In particular
Linking Words
, both men and women defer
this
Linking Words
 exceptional decision,because of fully
pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
 attention to professional growth and psychological conditions.Raising
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 child
needs
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 to mature experience and people want
firstly
Linking Words
 become firmly established
Change preposition
in
show examples
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
According to
Linking Words
 the World Family Organisation (
WFO )
Add a comma
WFO ),
show examples
 nearly 62%
Change preposition
of young
show examples
young
Change preposition
of young
show examples
Change noun form
people
show examples
people’s
Change noun form
people
show examples
 choices are intentionally
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 their children after earning a decent salary and
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 to maturity age. On
other hand
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
, the
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
 risk
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they may end up childless, because of their maturity age.After
Correct article usage
the 30s
show examples
30s
Correct article usage
the 30s
show examples
 adulthood can have trouble conceiving. Parents might face complications during pregnancy or
struggle
Add the particle
struggle to
show examples
 keep up with their children’s activities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
According to
Linking Words
 the WFO studies, 48% grown ups have problems with fertility after
30s
Change the article
the 30s
show examples
 and may feel trapped about
this
Linking Words
 problem with their significant other. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 having babies later
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in life
show examples
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
 can be very advantageous because, it allows
to have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
saving
Change the verb form
to save
show examples
 for prospective parents,it is important to pay attention to their fertility age and physical condition.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Work on ensuring logical progression between ideas and better use of cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly and provide balanced coverage of both advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify some ideas that seem vague or not fully developed, and ensure examples specifically illustrate main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, providing an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
Task Achievement
The argument for financial stability before having children is well-presented and supported by the example from the World Family Organisation.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified both pros and cons of having children later in life, showing a balanced understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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